The Chew Test

At the local pet food store, I find myself explaining why I won't buy any more plush toys for Kafka. "He destroys them all within minutes. First the squeaker comes out, then the tag, then the stuffing. The toy itself is shredded last." The store owner, a woman in her forties, made a face and spoke up: "If you don't provide him with toys, he will turn YOUR things into toys."

I took a look at their display. Some of the toys they sell have several layers and are sewn quite well. One expensive toy company claims to test their toys with tigers. But in small print, at the bottom of the label, you will find that none guarantees their toy against determined, aggressive chewers. Their toys, as it turns out, are not to be used as chew toys. In other words, if you find your dog chewing on them, you are supposed to remove the toy. These toys are made for dogs that fetch, not schnauzers.

So we've instead invested in rope and rubber toys. He destroys the squeaker inside any rubber toy immediately, but at least the toy will have a few more hours. We found a nylabone that lasts about a week. Synthetic rope works best, as it cannot be shredded into long strings that end up in his intestinal tract. And that is actually why he does not have toys that come apart. Like many schnauzers, ours is a master swallower. If he suspects his toy will be taken away and it fits in his mouth, down the esophagus it goes. Good thing that he has either pooped or thrown up everything he's ingested. 

I waited for a minute before responding to the store owner. "Well now that you mention it, he does seem to have a thing for glasses. I'm on my third pair."